the yoga planet
Trip to Trinidad
In October 2008, Kavita Maharaj took a trip back to Trinidad, the Caribbean island where she grew up. This trip was made specifically to see family she had not seen in over 19 years. It was a journey that would show her that all things are, as yogis say, neti neti - not this, not that.
The mind always wishes for assurances. Expectations are simply the mind having convinced itself that it has the situation well figured out. That it knows how things are and how they will be, and therefore that it is 'safe' from the uncertainty that is real life. In creating expectations, the mind decides what is and what isn't. And this, yoga teaches, is a sort of willful blindness.
Kavita sought to keep her expectations to a minimum when going on this trip. But it it is hard to go back to such a formative place to see people who held such an important place in one's life for so long and not have expectations. She was surprised to find herself remarkably comfortable in the company of these 'long lost' faces 19 years on. And that surprise indicated that she had not managed to remain entirely free of expectations. But even in the comfort she found there, things had changed. As Kavita was now well into adulthood, relationships were different. Aunts and uncles although still elders, were also more equals. Cousins Kavita had grown up alongside were mostly still there, but some had either moved countries or died. Some were born after Kavita had left. Some had found mates and married, some had divorced, some had had children. None were exactly the same, or completely different.
Kavita made specific plans to visit the island during the time of year when both Divali (the Hindu festival of lights) and All Souls (the Catholic commemoration of the faithful departed) was celebrated. It had been 20 years since she had celebrated these festivals with her family on the island. And in 20 years certain things had changed: more electric lights were used, celebrations ended a little earlier, and families celebrated in smaller 'pocket' versus extended groups. But some things stayed more or less the same: fireworks exploded throughout Divali night while dogs scampered and howled at the commotion, children disinterested at the gravesites of their ancestors spent their time making balls of wax from the lit candles on All Souls, and a solemn beauty came over the island on both nights.
As expectations gave way to reality, the yogic lesson became clearer. Expectations are based upon the past. And the past was never so two dimensional as we would remember it to be. Things then were as they are now... ever changing and mulifacted. All things are neti, neti: not this, not that.
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